I see quite a bit of rhetoric these days about what a man ought to be and some of it scares me. There is a toxic push for hypermasculinity and it is hurting America. There are people pushing the idea that if you do not seek to be super macho, then you are not a man. It’s ironic as this movement has grown stronger these last several years as a pushback on gender politics.
The irony is that many men are not led to be super masculine and that message that they don’t belong….that they are not real men does as much to cause doubt and drive men away from manhood as the rhetoric from the left.
I am transgender (one was). I spent most my life questioning my manhood. Questioning how I fit into a world that didn’t accept or want me. I’m not athletic. I’m not super macho or really a driven personality. I rejected the ultra macho stereotype as unsuitable, undesirable and unattainable for me. That left me nothing with regards to defining myself as a man. Even the hypermasculine rhetoric was telling me I didn’t fit their definition and was therefore not a man. lol, I was getting the same message from both sides of the gender debate.
Having rejected a hypermasculine role and this idealized version of manhood, I sought to embrace other attributes that I found had value for me. I spent years in counseling questioning how I felt about myself. By my definitions and by the worlds definitions I saw myself as more feminine. That led me to believe that changing my body to fit how I felt about myself made sense. It didn’t help. That’s the honest truth.
God spoke to me and put on my heart that I was heading in the wrong direction. So, after several years of being on HRT I stopped. I repented and made peace with God over my self will and reckless abandon of His plans for me. But that led to conflict within me about what God intended. What my role is.
He created me as a man because he has plans for me. The Bible spells out some attributes and behaviors that God seeks for men to emulate. The Bible does not support the idea that a super masculine man is the only type of man acceptable to God. The story of Esau and Jacob comes to mind.
I am not saying that one is better. I am saying that singular arguments made by the hypermasculine movement in the gender wars are hurtful. They create an either/or kind of view towards manhood that is dangerous.
Paul writes in multiple letters about the church being the body of Christ. He talks about all the different parts of the body and how it takes all of them to make a body whole. It takes all sorts of men (and women) to fulfill all those functions.
My message to men (and women) is do not let any group….left or right define who you are. Don’t let any group tell you do not belong. It is ok to have doubts and it ok to be different. Take your concerns to the Lord. Build a relationship with God. Honor how He made you and seek to follow His will for you. Pray. Let Him mold, define, refine and lead you.
Agreed, Brian. Men who have to buff-up to prove their masculinity are classically insecure about the real meaning of manhood.
Well said my friend, God has a plan for us all. I love your honesty and your view on life has inspired me. You are the man.